Breakthrough discerned?

Bloomsbury, 1 May 2008

It may be 2009 or even 2010 before the Large Votron Collider (LVC) goes into production but science journalists today were invited to an exclusive preview of its operation.

THE EQUIPMENT comprises a huge ring known as the M25, hundreds of miles long, an almost perfect vacuum surrounding the government and insulating it from reality. A complicated system of lasers is used to insert just two votrons at a time into the LVC where, using magnets and other incentives, and subject to seasonal variations, weather conditions and roadworks, the votrons are accelerated to unimaginable speeds close to 70 m.p.h. (Kelly’s constant).

The project is the brainchild of one man, William Heath, who surmises that at the beginning of time “ideal” and “government” were actually next to each other. The question is, given the light years which separate them now, whether they remain in contact and, if so, how.

Heath bravely proposes the existence of a previously unobserved sub-atomic particle, the brainon, evidence for the existence of which could be discovered when votrons collide.

Sipping a cup of coffee made using some of the heat generated during the hustings phase of the LVC, when votrons are given their distinctive red and blue spins, a remarkably composed Heath observes that this could be the day we discover whether there is a brainon. If not, there’s a decent Italian round the corner and maybe we could go and get a bite to eat.

UPDATE, 2 May 2008

OVER A surprisingly good lunch, the conversation flowed fast and furious, not unlike the votrons in the LVC all around us. Professor Heath wisely kept his own counsel but the assembled science journalists made their rash predictions.

Classical quantum mechanics would suggest that, on collision of the votrons, large numbers of leftons should be converted to libdemons, roughly equivalent to a shift from red spin to orange. Votrons are seen as a sort of messenger particle, trying to communicate with the distant, governing neutrons at the centre. Given that leftons and libdemons have barely distinguishable energy levels, the most economic application of the time-for-a-change principle is for one to convert into the other, its nearest neighbour. Would the results bear out our predictions?

Early results are now in and the answer is no. The expected annihilation of the leftons has been observed, but instead of libdemons, they seem to have gone straight to neocons. What is happening? And is this huge energy shift – all the way to blue spin – evidence for the brainon or isn’t it?

Leftons and libdemons share a common affinity for collective action and central control. The votrons can’t have leapt in one bound to the laissez-faire (L-F) of the neocons, can they? What is their message?

Perhaps the answer will be clearer when results come in from the inner core later today. Until then, back to the Italian and a bumpy ride on the expense account.

UPDATE, 3 May 2008

FUNNY THINGS, quanta, the way they behave. It must be 40 years since Feynman pointed out that we know the mathematics of quantum mechanics and we know that it’s right but quanta remain incomprehensible. You can have knowledge without understanding.

There are times when the behaviour of a quantum can only be explained if you assume that it can remember what it has done previously. But how can a quantum have memory? No idea.

There are times when the behaviour of one quantum can only be explained if you assume that it knows what another quantum has done or even will do. How? No idea. But given the outcome, it’s the only explanation. Even if we don’t understand it.

And so, to the votrons. What is the message they were sending? Over several bottles of best Amarone, this is our best guess at an answer. And after personally consuming two bottles of that fine 15% alcohol wine, in the interests of science, if you don’t mind, the answer is going to have to be stated in the form of an analogy, as though the LVC were an election. Not a general election, but a series of local ones.

The outcome of Thursday’s “vote” is a brief period of experiment. The government has become completely disengaged from the voters. Between now and the general election, there will be no government. No new initiatives will be implemented. The civil service will sit on them. They will not imperil their relationship with the next administration, which takes power whenever the general election is finally held.

In the interim, people can get on with their lives without interference from the government. The government will be irrelevant to them.

And the people will be irrelevant to the government, which will be entirely preoccupied with its survival, its message, its leadership and its legacy.

So everyone’s happy.

The experiment will come to an end but, until then, a happy phase of rediscovering the joys of autonomy is to be had.

That is the outcome. So that is the votrons’ message. Somehow, incomprehensibly, they know that the LVC will go into production in two years time, max., and in the meantime these idealistic quanta intend to enjoy their unaccustomed blue spin freedom from the government. It is a period to savour. Like Amarone. Make the most of it.

(No more updates, by the way. May 4 be with you.)

Published by David Moss on 01/05/08 at 9:06am

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